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I caught my husband on a hookup site
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I found my husband on an online dating site
I don't really have anyone to talk I caught my husband on a hookup site. I don't want to tell my family because I am afraid they will stop respecting him. I have asked him to come clean with his parents because it would make me feel like it's a sign of being truly repentant. I am not religious. It's been two months since I found out and he hasn't done it yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist and telling her his life story so that's more a shoulder to whine and cry on than someone who will hold him accountable for what he did. Shall we live together and find a way to make this bearable or should I move on?
Am I right in insisting that he tell his parents or at least someone who will hold him accountable? He has lost that chance with me since I already found out on my own. What should I do to make this situation livable? Sure, you'll get some temporary pleasure from watching someone else get mad at him, but then what? Don't assume that he'll learn a lesson by confessing. Don't assume that his parents can shame him into being a better guy. I want you to talk to your inner circle about all of this because you both need support. Forget the redemption and punishment stuff for a bit and focus on getting help from the people who love you. And please, let's not assume that the psychiatrist is just sitting around and validating him.
That's not how it's supposed to go. Tell him that you want to join him at these sessions. And please, see a therapist on your own. Therapy is a good thing. I wish I could tell you whether to stick it out, but I just don't know enough about what's happening in his head. All I can say is that you have to find people to lean on. You moved closer to your family for a reason. This is no time for isolation. Broken families are bad, but so are tense, resentful families who stay together without love and trust.
You need to figure out what will make you a happy parent. That's the most important thing. Find help and start asking questions. Thoughts on her telling her community and him telling his parents? What about their sex life? And the online dating?